


The Merits of a Merger

by ConvenientAlias



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Genre: 5+1 Things, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 04:24:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7998499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConvenientAlias/pseuds/ConvenientAlias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Jordan sighed. 'To be quite frank,” she said. “He is taken by me.'<br/>For a moment Gatsby seemed to be taken aback, and Jordan smiled a thin smile. It wasn’t entirely accurate.  But she had seen the way Nick’s eyes had fixed on Gatsby from the moment he had entered their conversation, sliding away from Jordan as if she was no longer there beside him. And she didn’t like it."</p>
<p>OR, five times Jordan Baker talked about marrying Nick Carraway, and one time she was no longer interested.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Merits of a Merger

Five Times Jordan Talked About Marrying Nick and One Time She Didn’t

1.

When Gatsby called Jordan up to his office, she wasn’t entirely sure what to expect from him.There was no reason for a man like Gatsby to be interested in her when he was surrounded by the most celebrated minds and bodies of the city. Jordan knew her social status—it was pretty high, but not quite Gatsby level. She was surprised he called her to his office in the first place. No doubt everyone at the party wanted to speak to him.

So she was unsurprised when Gatsby’s business with her had little to do with her personally. She was more surprised when he started quizzing her about her relationship with Daisy. Surely he could have no interest in Daisy, who lived on the other side of the harbor, almost in a different world entirely.

She was careful about her answers, keeping them as brief as possible. Yes, she knew Daisy Fay, although, she pointed out, it was Daisy Buchanan now, which made him grimace. They had known each other for quite some time, since they were girls together in the country.

She was even more surprised when he followed up with questions about Nick.

“Did the two of you share this…girlhood…with Mr. Nicholas Carraway?” he asked.

She raised an eyebrow. “No. Daisy, of course, has known Nick for quite some time. They’re cousins.” She shrugged. “I never met him back then. I suppose our paths simply never crossed.”

“But Daisy and Mr. Carraway are old friends,” Gatsby said. “Close friends?”

Honestly, Jordan had very little idea. “She’s always claimed to adore him,” she said. When he came up, which was seldom. And Daisy claimed to adore all sorts of people. She did seem to have a sort of fierce fondness for Nick, and Jordan could see why—he was certainly likeable. But in the long run, that didn’t mean all that much. Daisy’s attentions flittered from one person to the next with equal delight. Perhaps their being cousins meant something of a stronger bond, but Jordan doubted it.

Gatsby nodded seriously. “Look, I don’t mean to be invasive, but I would like to ask a question that might be considered a bit more private. If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to.”

“Shoot,” Jordan said, crossing her legs. If she didn’t want to answer, she wouldn’t. She didn’t need him to give her permission, but it did pique her interest.

“Did Daisy and Mr. Carraway ever go together?” Gatsby said.

Jordan raised her eyebrows.

“Romantically, that is,” Gatsby said. Quickly, before Jordan could respond, he continued, “I know that she has a husband now, and I’m sure she would no longer be interested, but I still would like to know. It is possible he could still be in love with her. She is very attractive in many ways. I understand if you don’t think it concerns me, but I would like to know.”

Jordan shook her head. “No, Daisy and Nick would never have gone together. They’re only cousins, and they will only ever be cousins.”

“And you are certain he only considers her a cousin, and loves her only in the most platonic fashion?” Gatsby asked. “I am sorry to ask you again, but it is a matter of importance to me.”

“I am quite certain,” Jordan said.

“He might be pining in the most indiscernible manner,” Gatsby said earnestly. “So subtly you could not even see. One could not blame him.”

“He’s hardly pining,” Jordan said drily. “Men in pining don’t spend their nights with other women—or at least, when they do, they’re quite obvious about it.”

“Ah. So he is taken by someone else,” Gatsby said.

Jordan sighed. “To be quite frank,” she said. “He is taken by me.”

For a moment Gatsby seemed to be taken aback, and Jordan smiled a thin smile. It wasn’t entirely accurate. Daisy had been encouraging her to take Nick under her wing, and Nick had been very friendly tonight, but they were barely acquainted, and certainly she had no claim on him yet. But she had seen the way Nick’s eyes had fixed on Gatsby from the moment he had entered their conversation, sliding away from Jordan as if she was no longer there beside him. And she didn’t like it.

Gatsby said, after a moment of silence, “Of course. The two of you were here together. My apologies. Usually you being with a man would be in the papers. I didn’t see anything like that, so I assumed…”

“You read about me in the papers, Mr. Gatsby?” Jordan said, raising her eyebrows. Sure, articles about her appeared occasionally. But she was hardly a hot subject, especially compared to Gatsby himself.

Gatsby shrugged. “I try to keep track of important people in the city, know what’s going on.” He smiled stiffly. “So you and Mr. Carraway are going together.”

“Yes,” Jordan said. Or they would be, after tonight. Nick just didn’t know it yet.

“For some time now?”

She’d known him for approximately a week. “Quite a while, yes.” She cleared her throat. “Actually it’s rather serious.”

“Indeed?”

“I suspect by the end of the summer he may even be proposing,” Jordan said.

Gatsby smiled, his eyes distant. “How lovely.” He refocused on Jordan after a moment. “I’m sorry. I suppose I ought to congratulate you. Mr. Carraway would seem to be a very respectable man, a very…good…man.”

“You know him?” Jordan was surprised. Nick had shown no sign of prior acquaintance earlier, and though indeed his eyes had fixed on Gatsby with a certain zeal, it had seemed to speak more of sudden infatuation than familiarity.

“I know of him,” Gatsby said. He coughed. “You see, he is of a certain interest to me. He, and yourself. You see, I have a certain investment in your affairs because you seem to be close to Miss Daisy Fay.”

“Buchanan.”

Gatsby’s smile was a bit brittle now. “Being close to her, I am sure you wish to see her as happy as possible. I also wish to see her as happy as possible.” He stepped closer to Jordan. “You see, Daisy and I are in love.”

The discussion from there moved firmly away from Nick, and Jordan rather forgot about his existence. This sort of intrigue, especially coming from a man like Jay Gatsby, was what she lived for.

When she finally headed out, though, Gatsby’s story told and the night waning away, Gatsby said, “I thank you for hearing me out. I would ask that you keep this matter close to your chest and tell no one of it, not even Daisy or Nick. There is much I have yet to do.”

“Of course.”

“I understand it can be difficult to keep secrets from your fiancée,” Gatsby said. “Please understand that I intend to tell him soon. I only wish to make a good impression first. I hope I can count on you for support.

“I’ll support you as far as I can,” Jordan said. She didn’t say that her influence on Nick, at least, was hardly worth anything, and that he was not her fiancée. Gatsby wouldn’t make his move for at least another couple weeks, which was plenty of time for Jordan to make hers.

///…///…///

2.

A few weeks later, Jordan had not perhaps seduced Nick as thoroughly as she originally intended. They had gone to a few places together. He had watched her play golf, and while other men might be turned off by her athleticism, by the way golf made her sweat and her muscles strain, his eyes had been rather appreciative. When she kissed him in the car later on, he’d been a bit more enthusiastic than normal.

Kissing was an area where Nick seemed somewhat deficient. Or rather, apathetic. To the extent that they had kissed, he had shown a certain level of skill. But he never went far. When she kissed him first, he would respond for a moment or so before pulling away with a reassuring smile, a smile that claimed all blame but also most definitely did not want to be kissing right now. When he occasionally kissed her first, he only ever pecked her, the way parents did in front of their children with no shame.

She’d taken him out to a couple of the better clubs in the city, hoping some rum might loosen his inhibitions and heighten his passions. But he barely drank at all, and what was worse was that Jordan as a result couldn’t bring herself to drink either. They danced a bit, and he seemed to enjoy it. His gaze never went below her collarbone except occasionally to glance at their feet.

It would have been almost a refreshing change from Jordan’s other men, except she had the feeling that Nick wasn’t even aware that he was Jordan’s. His eyes didn’t wander to the other women at the clubs, and that was good, but they did occasionally wander to the men, and Jordan would have to pull his attention back with some effort. And he showed so little emotion towards. He flirted in the same playful way he flirted with his own cousin, flattering with no real commitment. He hadn’t said he loved her, and he didn’t seem all that impressed with her either. They were companionable, and he would let her kiss him when she wanted to. And that was about all.

Meanwhile, where Jordan had failed to inspire more than vague admiration and fellowship, Jay Gatsby had succeeded in kindling utter adoration. Of course, Gatsby was now preoccupied with Daisy. They had now reunited, though only a couple days ago, and Nick wouldn’t stop talking about it.

“I suppose it was doing the right thing,” he said to Jordan for the tenth time that night. “It still makes me uneasy though.”

Jordan sighed. She had brought Nick to one of the more exclusive clubs in town and got him a tall glass of champagne. She was wearing one of her most low cut dresses and more than once she had suggested that they dance. But Nick was even less focused than usual, and Jordan was getting sick of reassuring him.

“I mean,” Nick said. “Gatsby’s a good man. And he’s worked this hard to make Daisy happy. I couldn’t help but give him a chance.”

“Mhm.”

“It’s up to them whether they stay together,” Nick said. “I had to at least let Daisy see him again. And she did seem very happy. When she saw him, you should have seen her face. And he looked at her as if she were the sun.” He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“Are you going to drink your champagne?” Jordan asked.

“Huh? Oh. Yes.” He took a sip.

“Well, I think it’s fine,” Jordan said. “If you feel like you’re betraying Tom, you really aren’t. After all you didn’t tell Daisy about his affair.” But he had told Jordan. Now she knew about both sides, more than even Daisy knew. It gave her a slight sense of pride that he had trusted her enough to share these secrets with him. She continued, “As long as they’re both cheating, it’s almost like neither of them is. From my point of view, at least.”

“Oh. Tom.” Nick coughed. “I don’t really feel bad about that. Not that I judge him for what he has with Myrtle, but it’s only fair that Daisy can see someone else. Hopefully he won’t find out about it. I don’t think he’d understand Gatsby.” He sighed and shook his head. “I’m not sure anyone really understands Gatsby.”

“Except you,” Jordan said sarcastically.

Nick clearly caught the sarcastic lilt of her voice and slightly flushed. That was something she liked about Nick—he picked up on what she meant very quickly most of the time, unlike some of the meatheads she’d dated before. “I don’t really understand him either. He’s so confusing.”

Lord save her from more talk about Gatsby. Jordan said, “The affairs will end eventually, you know. Daisy and Tom will always come back to each other.” She raised a finger before Nick could protest. “They’re married. It’s what married people do.”

Nick shook his head. “I’m never going to get married.”

“Not ever?” Jordan said.

“I don’t know why people do it.”

“Generally I suppose it’s because they’re in love,” Jordan said. “A sweeping of passion. Of course, I know that’s not your style, Nick. You’re very careful.”

Nick shook his head. “I’ve been in love. But I’m not going to get married.”

“So you’ve just been stringing me along, then?”

This seemed to surprise Nick more than anything else Jordan had said. Squinting at her, he said, “Jordan, you don’t want to marry me.” When she was silent for a long moment he laughed and said, “There are lots of guys out there who’d love to marry you. I’m not exactly a prize pick.”

“You really ought to consider marrying me, Nick,” Jordan said. “Just imagine. We could afford a decent town house, or possibly keep the one you’re living in now. We’d go to lots of social events and parties.”

Nick’s mouth twitched. Jordan held up a hand to stop him from speaking. She wasn’t done. “We wouldn’t have to have children or go domestic. You’d keep your job and I’d keep playing golf, but we’d have plenty of time to have fun. There are some obvious advantages to the arrangement. Besides companionship, we’d have great tax benefits. And no one would realize you were a homosexual.”

Nick blinked.

Jordan smiled innocently. “Just joking.”

///…///…///

3.

It was always awkward talking to Tom. They had so little in common. Of course, they moved around in similar circles and they were both athletes, so they always had a little gossip to share. But in general the only reason they ever associated was because of Daisy, and when Daisy excused herself from the table for a few minutes when Jordan was over for dinner, conversation froze.

“You haven’t been over for quite a while, have you?” Tom said.

She hadn’t been over in more than a month, and if Tom kept track of Daisy a bit better, if he communicated with her a bit better, if he didn’t spend all his time pursuing other pleasures far from home, he would have known that. Jordan smiled. “I’ve missed you two.”

“How have you been?”

“Well enough,” Jordan said. “I’ve been going with Nick for a while.”

“Nick! He hasn’t been coming over either. I’ll have to see if I can talk him into it soon,” Tom said. “Kind of shy, isn’t he? He never used to go out much in college either. He needs a little pushing.”

“Not so shy once you get to know him,” Jordan said.

“Yeah?” Tom said. He didn’t seem as offended as Jordan had expected at the implication that he didn’t know Nick that well. “So the two of you have been getting to know each other?” He barked a laugh.

Jordan smirked when she realized what he meant. No need to tell him he was wrong. “I’ve been showing him the city.”

Tom laughed a bit more. He shook his head. “Daisy said the two of you would be a good match. I wasn’t so sure.”

“Oh?” Jordan raised an eyebrow. She wouldn’t have thought Tom of all people would have realized where Nick’s actual affection lay. He hadn’t even noticed his wife was cheating on him, or realized just how many people were aware of his affairs. And while Nick wasn’t exactly subtle, he didn’t go running his mouth either. Not to anyone except Jordan (which, she had to admit, gave her a bit of a warm feeling in her belly). Certainly not to Tom.

“Well, Nick’s very smart and he’s a good man,” Tom said dismissively. “But he’s a bit…What’s the word? Reserved, maybe. Quiet. Definitely not assertive.”

“A nice change,” Jordan said. “Women don’t always want the arrogant, you know.”

Once again, he ignored the offense she intended. “Of course. But you always seemed like the type to appreciate a guy who knew what he wanted. Someone with a strong personality, you know.”

“Oh, Nick knows what he wants,” Jordan said. Even if what he wanted wasn’t Jordan. “And his personality could be called strong. Reserved, yes, but he knows who he is and he doesn’t try to be anything else. And he’s a little cute.”

“Cute, huh?” Tom raised his eyebrows.

Jordan only smiled.

Tom snorted. “I guess you could call him that. There were some girls in college that thought so, but he was too busy studying. Has time for you though.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Jordan said.

“And you have time for him,” Tom said.

Jordan nodded.

She’d told Gatsby they were committed more than a month ago now, and now it was almost true, on her side at least. She had gone out to dinner with a couple other guys, but more and more often she found herself turning guys down. Turning down guys who genuinely seemed to want a relationship with her, admiring her independence or perhaps other assets, guys who seemed to sincerely want her or even idolize her. Turning down guys who probably just wanted a companion for the night, someone good looking who might be fine with slipping away from the crowd for something a little more private. Turning them down for some guy who didn’t want either from her: didn’t want to own her, didn’t seem to love her, and barely kissed her more than once or twice per night for a couple stolen moments— moments she had to steal from his dispassionate lips.

She hadn’t turned down a date with Nick in weeks. She couldn’t remember if she ever had. And a couple times she had even rearranged her schedule in order to suit his. He had been very apologetic when she’d told her, sincerely regretful. She had regretted nothing.

Yes, she had time for him. Here was the thing: you could say she deserved better. You could say she deserved someone who loved her as much as she loved him, someone who at least was more attracted to her and less attracted to a man who wore pink shirts. But Jordan had never cared much about what she deserved. She wasn’t a good girl, and she doubted she deserved all that much. But she had always made a point of trying for what she wanted, and what she wanted right now was Nick Carraway, in any and every way she could have him. Lately she couldn’t get all that much, but she’d take what she could get.

Tom laughed. “Well. I guess my wife always does know what she’s talking about with these things. Seems like the two of you are getting on pretty well. You should come over more often.”

“If we find the time,” Jordan said.

“The two of you are serious?”

“You could say that.” In the sense that Nick was serious about Gatsby and Jordan was serious about winning Nick over and both of them were serious about having a good time. “We’ve been seeing each other pretty regularly, and we’ve talked about a number of things.”

Tom cocked his head. “And?”

“And what?”

“Do I hear wedding bells?”

She’d lied to Gatsby about it with no compunction whatsoever, but Tom could be persistent in error. Once he got an idea into his head he would bring it up in every single conversation from then on, and Jordan had no desire for him to keep asking her when they would get an invitation. She told him the truth. “Not yet, no. I’m not sure Nick wants to get married.”

Tom snorted. “Need me to talk to him for you?”

“Thanks, but that won’t be necessary.”

“I can. We knew each other in college—he’ll listen to me. I can twist his arm a bit.”

If there was anyone in the city Nick wouldn’t listen to, it was Tom. Jordan laughed. “No thank you. I can handle him. I’m in no rush to be married myself.”

“Sure,” Tom said in a disbelieving voice. “Well, we’ll see. He’ll get his act together eventually, I’m sure. You just have to give him time.” With a chuckle he said, “You and Nick, huh?”

Jordan smiled a thin smile.

///…///…///

4.

It seemed everything was going downhill lately.

For Jordan, of course, there was little change in her day to day life. The only problem she had was Nick’s infatuation with Gatsby. One might imagine that seeing him together with Daisy—and they had been together as a group more and more often lately—would cool him down a bit, make him realize the fact that he had no chance. Instead, his idolization was growing steadily more potent.

More and more often, Gatsby would ask Nick to join him and Daisy in some activity or another, and of course Nick would always accept. More and more often, Nick would turn Jordan’s invitations down in order to be with Gatsby—and Daisy, of course, he would always assure her, as if cousinly affection was all that drew him in. Jordan would sometimes be invited to join in, and sometimes she even would, but more often she would decline. Watching Nick stare longingly either at Gatsby or pointedly away from Gatsby made her sick to her stomach. It wasn’t even that she wanted Nick to look that way at her. It was that it felt profoundly wrong to watch Nick make that expression at anyone. She generally considered him to be a sensible person, like her. Why was it that one man could cause him to act like such an idiot?

Nick wasn’t the biggest problem though. At least he seemed to be enjoying himself.

The real problem was Daisy.

She also had been spending more and more time with Gatsby. By his side, she sparkled and bubbled over with good cheer, smiles and wit. She drew strength and happiness from the way he adored her. But whenever he so much as left the room, she would sag. She was beginning to get circles under her eyes, she confided in Jordan, even though she could still cover them with makeup.

“You’re tired?” Jordan asked her. She had managed to get Daisy alone for the first time in weeks, a private picnic with neither Nick nor Gatsby. And Daisy seemed more drained than she ever did in the boys’ presence. In front of men, of course, she always put on an act.

“Very.”

“Gatsby’s been keeping you up late?” Jordan asked.

Daisy smiled and shook her head. “He’s very considerate, actually. I think he knows something is wrong.”

“And something is wrong.”

“Yes.”

Jordan waited a moment before saying, “Would you mind telling me what it is?”

“I think I might,” Daisy said. “Jay’s been so awful lately, Jordan. It’s worse because he thinks what he’s doing is right.” She rubbed an eye. “When we first got together, we didn’t talk about what we were. I assumed he knew. But he keeps on talking about me leaving Tom, about me marrying him.” She sighed. “He never listens to me anymore.”

“Leave Tom?” Jordan raised an eyebrow. “He really wants you to do that?”

She tried to sound surprised, but she wasn’t, really. Of course he wanted her to do that. Men were never sensible about these things, and Gatsby was an even less sensible man than some.

“He’s better to me than Tom is,” Daisy said wistfully. “He’s very nice. He gives me lots of presents, and we always have so much fun.”

“Certainly he has a lot of glitz,” Jordan said. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand Gatsby’s appeal, to both Nick and Daisy. She just thought the appeal was rather crude and shallow. It didn’t surprise her that Daisy, starved of affection from Tom and longing for something romantic, would go for that. It did surprise her a bit in Nick.

“Glitz,” Daisy repeated. She laughed. “You’re so cynical, Jordan! Of course I suppose he is rather like a magpie when it comes to shiny things. But he has other sides too.”

“I suppose I fail to see them,” Jordan said.

“He’s a dreamer,” Daisy said. “Something of an old fashioned romantic, too. We swore our love, you know, before he went off to war. He thinks he’s keeping our vow from that time, even though…” She trailed off. “He doesn’t blame me for anything.”

“Who would?” Jordan said. “You couldn’t stay loyal to him forever, not after he dropped off the map. Besides, he was a nobody back then.” And of course Daisy Fay was never meant to marry a nobody.

Daisy said, “And I was in love with Tom.” She paused. “He wants me to say I never loved Tom.”

“So say so,” Jordan said. “Any lie will suffice for a man like that.”

“He wants me to say it to Tom,” Daisy said. “To Tom’s face. And then to leave him. I don’t think I can.”

“And why should you?”

Daisy laughed, high and nervous. “Of course you would say that, Jordan. I don’t think you’ve ever felt a moment of pressure in your life.” She shook her head. “You’ve never really cared for a man, have you?”

“You think me quite heartless,” Jordan said.

“Was that presumptuous? I’m so sorry,” Daisy said. “You know I never mean any harm, Daisy. Actually, I’m rather jealous. It would be nice to never fall in love with anyone.” She sniffed. “Then I would never have married Tom. Or if I had, I would have no cause to regret it. I don’t suppose I’d care who he played around with then.”

“Marriage of convenience?” Jordan said. “It wouldn’t suit you, Daisy.”

“Sometimes I think it would be nice to marry Jay,” Daisy said. “He makes everything seem so much like a fairy tale, you know. But I don’t know if he’d turn out any better than Tom, in the end.”

Jordan shrugged. Certainly she saw no appeal to marrying Gatsby. But when two of her closest friends thought otherwise, who was she to argue?

Daisy’s eyes focused on Jordan with new intensity. “You’re still going with Nick, aren’t you?”

“When he’s not busy.” Which, recently, was not often.

“You aren’t going to marry him?” Daisy said. When Jordan didn’t respond immediately, she said, “I do hope you won’t. He’s a good man, but in so many ways he’s still a boy. And I can’t see marriage being good for either of you.”

“It seems you don’t think anyone should marry,” Jordan said. “Still, the world must go on, and with it, love.”

Daisy sighed. “Don’t I know it.”

“If you hate being married to Tom, you could leave him.”

Daisy said, “These days, I barely know what I want anymore.”

///…///…///

5.

Jordan learned about Gatsby’s death in the paper.

“Local Millionaire Murdered,” read one headline. The others were much the same. All the articles gave the details of the killing—the position in which they found Gatsby’s body floating in the pool, the bullet found in his body, and the matching bullet found in the body of the man who had no doubt assaulted him, one George Wilson. Theories on why the murder was committed (including, of course, the hit and run death of Myrtle Wilson and Gatsby’s suspiciously yellow car) followed after these details, along with an extremely vague story of Gatsby’s past encompassed in about three sentences.

She didn’t believe, at first, that the news article could be accurate. It wasn’t that she was particularly attached to Gatsby, whom she had only spoken to a few times, even if he had been a friend of friends and had thrown excellent parties. Still, it seemed unreal that he could be dead. He had been such a dominant figure in recent events (even though recently those events had been rather disastrous) that she couldn’t imagine him so easily pushed out of the way, out of existence.

The first person she called was Daisy. Tom was the one to answer the phone. Yes, he had heard that Gatsby was dead. He had a number of opinions on the matter, most of which Jordan could not fully agree with, even if Gatsby had most likely run Myrtle down. It could only have been an accident, after all. But she kept her mouth shut, and when he told her he would take care of Daisy and Daisy would be fine, she allowed herself to believe him, at least temporarily. She could go and comfort Daisy over the death of her love later.

For now, Jordan had her own lover to take care of.

She called Nick up, first on his office phone and then on his home phone. He didn’t answer either. She tried again the next day, and the next, and there was still no response. It served her right for hanging up on him the other day, but she suspected that wasn’t why he wasn’t answering. More likely he was burying himself in grief.

She couldn’t let him do that.

She drove over to his house, but after knocking near a hundred times she was only answered by the grumpy Finnish housekeeper, who told her that Mr. Carraway was not at home, and for the next couple days he was staying in Mr. Gatsby’s house in order to put his affairs in order.

So things were even worse than she thought. She walked over to Gatsby’s house (such a short distance—she always had to drive to his parties, but of course Nick never did) and rang the doorbell. The door was answered not by a servant (Gatsby had dismissed all the servants only a short while before for discretion) but by Nick himself.

He stared at her for a minute, as if he were unable to process her appearance. As if she had stepped out of some fairy world, far apart from this sad, empty mansion.

“Hello, Nick,” Jordan said. “Do you mind if I come in?”

He stepped aside, and she walked with him to the smaller parlor, where he sat down on the couch next to the phone. She sat down on the far side of the couch. It was best to give him space.

“I didn’t know you were close to Gatsby,” Nick said.

“I wasn’t,” Jordan said. “I did like him, but. I came here for you.”

Nick laughed. “Of course.” It wasn’t a happy laugh. He leaned back against the couch, his face blank, emptied of emotion. “You know, I’ve been trying to round up people for his funeral and wake. You know how many people have committed to coming?”

Jordan shook her head. Gatsby had been a very popular man, but she barely knew anyone in his inner circle.

“Zero.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Daisy isn’t going,” Nick said.

“Of course she isn’t,” Jordan said. “Did you think she would?”

“I can’t even get a hold of her,” Nick said. “She loved him.” He stared at the floor. “They were in love.”

“Love,” Jordan said. “Can be very complicated. It rarely falls equally. So he loved her with everything he had, and he expected her to carry all that love. It was hard for her, and it’s hard for her now.” She shrugged. “You can’t ask more of people than they’re able to give, Nick.”

“He loved her,” Nick said. “He did everything for her. She isn’t even going to his funeral.” He leaned forward. “And all of his business friends, and all those people who came to his parties…”

“They came to observe a phenomenon. It doesn’t make them his friends,” Jordan said.

Nick shook his head, rejecting her words. “You’re coming to the funeral, though?”

“If you will be there, I will.”

“I’ll be there. Even if no one else is.”

For another long moment they sat there in silence. Jordan half expected Nick to start crying, but perhaps all his tears were used up, or perhaps they had yet to surface. His face remained blank, his eyes dry.

“How have you been holding up?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I’m just trying to find people to attend his funeral. Helping the lawyers managing his estate. Odds and ends.” He smiled. “He’d want someone to take care of things, make them neat and proper.”

“He’d be glad you cared enough to do this for him,” Jordan said softly.

“Of course I’m doing it for him,” Nick said. “He was…” He swallowed. “I don’t understand how no one else seems to care.”

“We live in a big city,” Jordan said. “When one man dies, it barely seems to make a difference.” She shrugged. “I guess that’s cold. But it’s good that he has you to remember him. You’re a good man, Nick.”

“I loved him,” Nick blurted out.

Jordan nodded. “I knew that.”

“I mean,” Nick said. “Not in a friendly way.” His eyes dropped down again. “You were right. I like men.”

Jordan nodded, but Nick, still staring at the floor, didn’t seem to notice.

“I told myself I couldn’t tell him,” he said. “It would have made him uncomfortable, and he was so happy with Daisy. I thought they would get married.”

Jordan bit her lip. She had known all too well how things could turn out with Gatsby and Daisy. She hadn’t pictured Gatsby dying, of course, but there had been no happily ever after in that future.

“I wanted them to be happy together. I thought it was better that way.” Nick’s voice trembled. “If I had known, I would have…”

He broke off, and his shoulders seemed to shake ever so slightly. Jordan moved closer to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

“It wouldn’t necessarily have worked out,” she said. “He was very much in love with Daisy. And these things often don’t.”

“And now we’ll never know,” Nick said. “Will we?”

“There are many loves that will never happen,” Jordan said quietly. “We live with it.”

There was another moment of silence, but this time Nick was looking at her, and his face was no longer so bland. His eyes were wide and bright, and radiated pain. She gave his shoulders another squeeze, and with half a sob, he leaned in and kissed her on the lips.

She kissed him back, allowed him to clutch at her desperately and, one kiss ended, kiss her again and again and again, on her lips and cheeks and neck and collarbone, never speaking, only clinging to her and sucking at her skin as if somehow the taste of her sweat would quench his loneliness.

It was more emotion than he’d ever shown her before. But she did not mistake his desperation for desire.

She could have taken it farther. Sleep deprived and emotionally drained, he would have done anything with her. But when he paused for breath after a few minutes, she put a hand on his shoulder and said, “You should get some rest, Nick.”

He choked on a laugh.

“I’ll help you with the funeral and the preparations,” Jordan said. “Two heads are better than one, huh?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“For now, go get some sleep,” she said.

She walked him back over to his house. In the doorway, he paused.

“You said there are many loves that never happen,” he said.

“Yes.”

“Did you mean it?” he asked. “That time you asked me to marry you.”

“Go to bed, Nick,” Jordan said. “We can talk about it later.”

///…///…///

+1.

After Gatsby’s funeral, Nick faded away. Jordan kept him company on and off for a couple weeks, trying to help him pull himself together, but he was clearly not himself anymore. He didn’t laugh. He went to a couple different bars with her but he didn’t drink. He stared off into the distance, his gaze occasionally fixing on some handsome man with blond hair. Jordan just barely stopped him from introducing himself to one of them, warning him that this wasn’t that kind of bar and his attentions might not be appreciated.

They didn’t go to any parties. Jordan knew better than to even bring them up. She didn’t bring up Gatsby either, for while he would talk for hours about Gatsby in his grief, even the name, coming from her lips, made him flinch.

After three weeks, he abruptly announced he was leaving New York and returning to his family. He was out of the city before the leaves even changed colors. Jordan was surprised and not surprised. It was odd for him to be gone so suddenly, the man to whom she had dedicated her summer’s passion and devotion, but it would have been odder for him to stay. He was a mirage, a phantom image brought on by summer’s heat and too much wine, and such dreams never continued into fall and winter. He might have stayed for Gatsby, an equally surreal phantom who tried to make his dream world solid. The two of them might, together, have reached an equilibrium where even the wildest fantasies of hedonism, love and daring would have been almost domestic. But with Gatsby gone, there was nothing to keep Nick, sweet, implausible, idealist Nick, in a dirty city like New York.

So Nick faded from New York and, slowly, from Jordan’s mind as well. By December she was going to parties and clubs with other men who kissed with considerably more enthusiasm, made clear their appreciation for her feminine form, and never ogled other males in the vicinity (though keeping their eyes off other women was unfortunately a pointless pursuit).

She didn’t see Daisy for a while, but they stayed in touch and eventually they were seeing each other regularly again, even more regularly than they had seen each other in the summer. During the summer, after all, they had both been very distracted by men. Now, Jordan felt ashamed of herself for abandoning such a good friend just because she had been busy pursuing Nick and Daisy had been busy with a boy toy. It was unlike them to be so unsociable, and they promised each other not to let it happen again. And then Daisy told Jordan she and Tom were heading off to Europe for a year or so, and they fell out of contact yet again.

Well. No doubt it would eventually work out.

New York bubbled with life as spring returned to the city, and then another summer. There was golf to be played, and while the newspapers still mentioned her supposedly cheating a couple years back, that didn’t stop reporters from watching her every move, both athletic and societal.

She was doing well this season, on both counts. Her game was only improving, and it had already been good enough for some to call her a phenomenon. She was giving her competition a run for their money. As for social life, well.

She hadn’t taken up with another man individually yet, although she had been dating pretty consistently since mid-winter. She was still waffling between one man and another when she heard from a friend of a friend that a friend of their friend, named Nick Carraway, was back in New York.

“Nick Carraway?” she asked. “For how long?” She wondered vaguely if she sounded like Daisy had, on that day so long ago, the dinner where Jordan had first met Nick. (“Gatsby? What Gatsby?”)

“Just a couple weeks. He’ll probably be out just as soon,” her acquaintance said.

Jordan nodded. She considered, for a moment, following up on the lead, finding Nick and asking how he’d been, perhaps going to a few parties with him the way they used to. She found the idea appealing in a way, and sickening in another.

She changed the subject, and determined not to bring Nick up again or seek him out. He had her number. If he wanted to, he knew how to get her.

And if he didn’t, there were a still a thousand other loves in New York to explore. And Jordan Baker was determined to find them all.

**Author's Note:**

> I like to make lists of prompts for various pairings. For this fic, I had a prompt that challenged me to write a scenario where Nick and Jordan either got married or considered the idea.  
> From there, a 5+1 fic evolved...with considerably more slash and angst than I originally intended. Well, them's the breaks. There's still a good about of Jordan/Nick, a pairing I love, just with a side of Nick/Gatsby which is pretty much my headcanon at this point.  
> Comments and kudos would be much appreciated. This fic took a surprising amount of time and I'd love some feedback.


End file.
